Years ago as I’ve mentioned I used to write a blog. I didn’t have an SLT behind me, and I never thought anyone would read that blog. I wrote it for the sake of writing. I thought it would be fun. I guess at the time I forgot how my energy attracts. It never really occurred to me as I wrote. That blog is long ago offline, but it ended up with about 14K readers in the end. And it changed a lot of lives at the time. I was rather humbled by its impact in fact. I mention this because there was one article I wrote in that blog which triggered more people than I’ve ever triggered before. And I’m about to paraphrase that article from its original 6K words, to my usual 1 to 2K words here in this SLT blog.
By contract this blog even though it’s only a month old or so has 5 times the readers of that old blog. So I want to be careful here. But I do think it’s important logic to understand. Even if the topic doesn’t resonate with you right now, it might in the future. Either way I think it’s good insight into human nature. And at some point what I say here, and the logic I offer might just save your life, or at least your sanity.
The topic of that article I wrote back in the day was infidelity in relationships. In that article I told the story of a girl I used to know. The story of a carpet sweeper for lack of a better way to put it. In this revised version I’m just going to go straight for the jugular and focus more on psychology with a pinch of philosophy just for fun. We’re going to talk about narcissists and entitled people and some of why they are how they are, and why it’s all very dangerous.
On the infidelity side I’ll begin by saying I’m aware that sometimes “good” people do bad things. The family man or woman who gets seduced or has a crush at work that goes too far one night is NOT what or who this article is about. Those “good” people would likely feel so bad for violating the sanctity of the relationship that they would break-down and confess everything the very night it happened and likely beg for forgiveness. NO, this article is about narcissists, and people of entitlement. I’ve over the past year coined a phrase for them, and I’m mighty proud many of you use it. That phrase is “entitled fuckwit”. These are the people I’m talking about in this article to be clear.
It’s not always obvious to know when you’re with someone like this. People like this (entitled fuckwits/narcissists) are great liars. They’ve had a lot of practice. They were mommy’s little prince, or princess growing up, and their whole life people have been letting them slide, apologizing for them even. Or if not, they just have good luck and get away with shit. This is psychologically speaking how devil energy begins to attach. It’s how people become liars. Any judge or cop will tell you that no one does anything just once. Even with first offenders every judge knows it’s not their first offense. Adult liars become liars because they got away with it the first time they did it, likely as a child, and they just kept doing it and doing it. The brain reads “getting away with something” as a green light. So they lie again etc. etc.
There’s a principle in psychology that says “people don’t change”, they “adapt”. This is true. The example I like to give is stealing a cookie from the cookie jar when we’re a child. Mom catches us!! We get in trouble!! Do we then stop stealing cookies? Rarely, and that’s rather ironically because the punishment is usually rather light… The fact is, we try again.. But the next time we adapt and we get craftier about it, and maybe move some cookies around so it doesn’t look so obvious.
Beyond that is the entitled principle. There’s a core programming that makes a person be someone who would steal a cookie in the first place, and that’s coupled with the fact that they got away with it, which only enhances the urge and often this escalates as they get older in all sorts of nonsense behavior. What I mean is… the cookie far outweighed the punishment, and sadly this trend usually continues for them as they go through life. I’ll prove this to you in a moment.
How does this Big Bird analysis of a complex psychological disorder apply to infidelity? Well, the same applies. When a narcissist or entitled fuckwit cheats it’s for selfish reasons. It’s because they love themselves more than they do you. It’s because they feel entitled to the best, and if they can have it, they take it. It’s in their core programming. Most people married to people like this know this. We see it with society people as we call them. The husband keeps many mistresses, and the wives look away because they want to keep the status that comes with the marriage. Often telling themselves, “it’s the way things are.”
But for the rest of us the real problem comes if the person cheated on has low self-worth. This is because narcissists and entitled fuckwits are all blame shifters. When caught they turn it around on the person they cheated on. They say, “you weren’t attentive enough” for example. YUP, t’s never “their” fault. It’s always the other person. Sounds like what we see in politics these days doesn’t it… hmmmm… lol….
So the narcissist goes into the diatribe of lies. Which usually go like this… “This is the first time”, “it’ll never happen again”. And my personal favorite line of bullshit, “I didn’t tell you about it because I didn’t want to hurt you.”
Basically if you believe ANY of that, your self-worth is far too low, or the relationship is co-dependent in some way and you’re stuck or trapped anyway. The fact is if we love someone unconditionally we would never do anything to hurt them. So if they actually gave two shits about hurting you, they never would have cheated in the first place. Furthermore, shifting blame is a sign of emotional immaturity. Which is also a problem.. A huge red-flag in fact.
I always say marriage or relationships of any kind are for grown-ups, not children. Assuming hypothetical you in this scenario were actually not attentive enough, cheating is still not the answer. The answer is to have an adult conversation about the state of the relationship. Maybe work out a compromise, or even a sexy schedule, where you have 1 date night per week or every other week etc. The point is the answer is “communication”, not bagin’ the dude or chick at work… LOL
But that’s not what a narcissist or entitled fuckwit is capable of doing. Here’s a test. Take it with you for the future if it doesn’t resonate currently. If you’re having issues in a relationship, sit down and have an adult conversation with the other person. Tell them you want to express some feelings, some gripes, some concerns you have that are making you unhappy. What they should do is listen with concern as you rattle off the things that are making you unhappy. This is a good sign, especially if they want to work with you on those issues. But,,,, if they’re entitled, or a narcissist, you’ll know pretty quick. This is because the moment you tell them anything “they” might be doing wrong, they will get defensive and turn it around on you, and make it all about the shit they think you’re doing wrong. And here’s the key. Rather than have empathy for you, and tell you how they understand your concerns and what you’re saying, they will proceed to tell you why everything you’re feeling is wrong, and why everything they’re feeling is right. This is a huge red-flag!! This isn’t someone who can go the long-term unless you have no self-worth and/or you’re a carpet-sweeper. And I’ve written enough about where that leads later down the road of life..
Relationships require equal give and take, or as close to it as possible. Unconditional love requires the ability to both give and receive love. Narcissists are Burger Kings… Come kneel before Zod types. They’ve got to have it their way. It’s their way or the highway. If your self-worth is low, and you’re not in Empress energy as we call it, things can go horribly wrong very quickly. I’ll give you the logic from the cheating/infidelity angle of this article. Pay attention to the logic here..
So you have low self-worth, and you’re married to a narcissist/entitled fuckwit Burger King. Fuckwit cheats. You catch fuckwit. You say, “you better never do that again!!” Fuckwit says, “it was the first time, it’ll never happen again I swear.” You forgive fuckwit. Leaving them only with a slap on the wrist of you saying “you better never do that again.”. Well you pretty much just ensured that they WILL do it again. Hence the cookie jar analogy from earlier. You’ve in effect deferred the actual punishment to “next time”!!
You see, it’s a bit of a paradox but the act of forgiving someone for something actually is read by the brain as “I got away with it.”. That narcissist will cheat again, except they’ll be much more slick about the next time. It’ll be harder to catch them. Oh, and the “it was the first time comment they made”. Statistically speaking that’s a lie too. It was just the first time you caught them, that’s all, and liar confesses nothing.
Now some of you may ask about “trust” at this point. Yes, the trust bond has been violated. But in my example you have low self-worth. You want to believe them so you forgive them, because you either don’t think you can do better, or because you feel like you “need” them. People with low-self worth “need” people. You should never be in a relationship of any kind because you “need” to be. You should only be in it because you “want” to be. That’s the difference…
It’s not unconditional love to forgive someone for stepping out on you. In fact by saying “you better never do that again”, you’re actually putting a condition on it.
My point is, lying, cheating, stealing etc. is NOT technically forgivable in a relationship. The trust bond dies at that point. The contract becomes null and void. Someone with HIGH self-worth would kick that person to the curb instantly. But that’s the problem. Someone with high self-worth never would have been with a narcissist/entitled fuckwit in the first place. Which is why this article is here. I hope over time to teach you how to spot, “good people” from bad, or as i like to say for drama purposes, “the devil from the angel.”
The low self-worth person is the one who falls for the king of wands tricks. The king of wands makes you feel like anything is possible. It’s low level devil energy in that it creates illusions.
With cheating the issue is NOT the cheating itself. As I opened with, if someone honest makes an honest mistake, they confess, and beg for forgiveness. They don’t cover it up and hope you don’t find out. But this article is about narcissists. And with them it’s not just about the cheating as I said. It’s the lies. The lies they told or acted out to cover it all up are the real problem. The truth of who someone is lives in the lies they tell or don’t tell. It’s the old adage of “let people show you who they are.” In tarot-speak. Someone who cheats and lies to cover it up is the 7 of swords.
There’s a logic string here. The logic is kind of humorous and sad all at the same time. Someone with high self-worth will understand it because this behavior would never be forgiven. Someone with low self-worth will not understand it… That logic string I speak of is this…. Someone cheats, lies to cover it up, you catch them, they blame you, you believe them, maybe even take some of the blame, actually even apologize them maybe. Deep down you know that they did you wrong so you fight back and you argue and tell them if they ever do it again we’re through.. They say they never will….
That logic string tells a clear story. You’ve in effect rewarded them by letting them off the hook. You rewarded them with what a judge would call a “suspended sentence”. They got away with it. You said, “if you ever do it again, we’re through”. You didn’t say we were through now. And on top of all that you have sex with them afterward. Is it any wonder that statistically speaking they’ll cheat again. Why wouldn’t they? They got away with it, just like they always have in life. This is the pattern of what happens with narcissists. They always go for low-vibration people who they can control. This is why they always come out on top. Or in my story here, cheat on you, and get banged for it in the end as they’re let off the hook with a warning.
So to recap, they stepped out, had some hot sex with someone from work or whatever, lied about, shifted the blame onto you, only to receive a threat about “next time”, and then you banged them. My god…… as my grandfather would have said…. They made out like a bandit….
This is all why self-worth is important. You can’t love unconditionally unless you love yourself first. If you don’t you will give your love in all the wrong places. You’ll give your love to people who will take it and not return much if any back to you. Like energy attracts like energy. Low vibration from you, attracts low vibration from others.
Remember for the future if you’re ever cheated on. If they confess to cheating before you ever even knew about it and beg for your forgiveness that’s a sign they understand what they did wrong and want to fix it. It’s a sign of a good person of high value. By contrast if you’re ever cheated on and someone lies to cover it up and you find out about it, maybe through a friend, or through looking at the credit card statements etc.. The real issue is the lying, NOT the cheating. The lying is a sign of someone who cares only for themselves. They lied to protect themselves, not to protect you from being hurt, as they’ll likely tell you.
Oh and like I said,,,, It’s not the first time they’ve done it, and it most certainly will not be the last. Nobody lies just once. If someone tells you one lie, there are dozens more that you don’t know about.
So please if you haven’t yet, PLEASE find your self-worth. Love yourself for god’s sake. If you all were not wonderful people with beautiful energy I would not be spending all this time typing these articles, and doing all those videos on the Y-Tube.
In the end loving yourself is a good thing. Because when you do there’s no chance in hell you’ll EVER reward a lying cheater with an empty threat and a night of bangin’…
–Cheers
