A little psych 101, or maybe 201 as the case may be for anyone interested. I think you all probably know someone who has control issues. Maybe you yourself have some. Either way, I offer an article. Much of it will sound familiar. That’s because it’s all over the energy in those damn readings I pull on YouTube. But it’s not just about the soulmate cycle. These issues are actually generational in many ways. Historical or ancestral karma of sorts.
There’s a certain personality type that lends itself to “control” issues. This is a person who THINKS they have control and CAN control everything in their life. They do this as a form of self-therapy in a way. Usually to suppress deep, deep issues and hurts inside them that they just don’t want to look at. Which as I’ve written and as I teach often is a HUGE mistake. These folks even think they can control emotions, which is often their primary goal because they have an almost social awkwardness to them., They basically play an acting role in their own life each day, never really showing to many, if any, who they really are and the true depth of their emotion. Which I might add is usually quite deep. Stupid people aren’t very good at controlling anything. The trait we’re talking about here is typically indicative of very intelligent people.
The short answer is emotions are uncontrollable. Okay that’s it everyone stop trying to control them and we’re done here… LOL… Weeeellll maybe not so fast. Emotions come from the soul. And trying to control them only cages the soul. You can look at it in chemical terms if you don’t like the word soul. Either way be it the soul or the “chemicals” and hormones released emotions are not something that are wise to try to control. Any illusion of emotional control is actually a delusion. Most of the time that caging of the soul leads to depression, anxiety, and in many cases explosive behavior, i.e. rage, drinking to excess, or worst of all a general feeling of unhappiness and discontent. Yet paradoxically rather than fix the unhappiness, people with this “control” trait suppress it in an act of “control”. lol …. Seriously?! Are we in primary school here??? Yeah it’s a thing, and there are grown adults out there that do it by the millions…. hmmm… I smell an emotional immaturity lesson coming on….
Control issues usually stem from a broad category in psychology known commonly as “abandonment issues“. Abandonment is a broad category as I said but it usually shows itself as a person with the need to control every aspect of their life usually through distracting themselves with various tasks they CAN control (or think they can) like the mundane or practical. They’re planners, and over-thinkers typically because those traits offer them a sense of “control“. Another common trait is typically someone who will stay in toxic situations long past their expire date because mommy left daddy so they’ll never leave anyone, or worse yet they cast away anyone that conjures up emotion within them out of a fear of getting hurt, usually “hurt again“. Being a runner overall is a common trait in general. Other tell-tale signs are those who are addicted to fitness for example, controlling how their body looks. Notice I say addicted, I mean obsessed of course.. Which is actually easy with fitness as it releases endorphins, which are the body’s own painkillers. People with eating disorders for example have abandonment/control issues. Similar to those with fitness obsession they feel their life is in chaos around them so they “control” the one thing they think they can, which in this case is “eating”.
While some of these issues are far more serious than others the main thing these personality types learn often the hard way is we actually control nothing in life. On the practical side money and career are out of our control. One bad day in the stock market and the value of your fortune plummets. Even if you’re not in the stock market the value of your fortune will plummet, as if it crashes the value of the country’s currency can go with it. Career is impossible to control too. If you’re reliant on someone else giving you work, well then you’re at their mercy aren’t you. If you own your own business, the public is very fickle, and businesses fail all the time. People who base their self worth on money or career or worse yet status (social or financial) are almost always unhappy. Especially if they have abandonment issues as described above, which 9 times out of 10 they do as another trait of this is excessive self-focus, ego, and pride. All of these block true happiness. All of the above are negative, and contribute to stress, anxiety, fear, and depression. All of which are running rampant in our society today. And it’s very dangerous by the way.
Which brings me to emotions. This need to control bleeds into emotions often for these people. Emotions as I said cannot be controlled. So it’s a bit of a paradox. Career and money are not the roots of our happiness. In fact they’re usually only the roots of our stress. Studies have shown that career in fact even if amazingly successful contributes only 30% at best to our overall contentment in life and inner feeling of well-being. This is of course because our soul “who we really are” isn’t made of money. It’s made of the most powerful force in the universe… “Love“. True happiness can only come from allowing our emotions to flow freely. To experience life to the fullest we must “feel” it, as I’ve often said. Suppressing feelings is a recipe for disaster. Granted a nice balance between a thinking life and a feeling life is ideal, but many have shut down emotions these days and are living a life that’s way out of balance. Many are very good at surface energy control. i.e. pretense. Crying in the car in the parking lot, then inside the store running into a neighbor, only to smile at them with a BIG smile and saying how great everything is. Somehow as a society we’ve been conditioned to believe being vulnerable is a weakness. When in reality it is most certainly NOT!. In fact it’s self-empowering. The younger generation right now has a very hard time expressing emotion. I blame the internet in part because it causes a human interaction disconnect, but I also blame emotionally shut-down and stoic parents as well. Point is suppress all you like, push it all down…. But emotions cannot be contained. By trying you in effect become a walking active volcano.
People aren’t born this way. This type of behavior or energy is cast upon them through either their parents who were a little too success driven, or who dumped too many expectations on their children, usually under the guise of “supporting” them. Youth is dangerous as I often say. And not all parents are smart enough or selfless enough to be parents. It’s easy to blame the parents for someone’s issue. It’s every therapist’s go-to in fact. Truth is the abandonment issues that cause this control mechanism and emotional immaturity which often manifests as intimacy problems and an inability to allow vulnerability leading to an inability to express feelings properly is typical of adults who’s parents programmed this behavior into them. i.e. “core programming”. Parents who were themselves very stoic, or materialistic, self-focused, or status driven, wanting to move up in the world and hoped the children would help take them there. Or in many cases parents who got divorced and more-over didn’t handle that divorce properly by explaining to the children what was happening “properly”. This causes the child to develop you guessed it, abandonment issues. Or worse the parents were entitled fuckwits who used the child as a pawn in the divorce. Also a red-flag on “who someone really is” by the way. Fact is bad parenting keeps therapists and psychologists in business. And sadly big-pharma as well..
Some used to like to tweet to me that they had a great family, and took offense when I would from time to time trash “family” on my videos when talking about a DM and their possible issues. My response was and still is always the same.. It’s “well good for fucking you asshole!!!” The truth is yeah, some families are fantastic…. Most of those are TV families but yes there are some in real-life too. There are no absolutes. But any psychologist or therapist will tell you that the majority of people with control issues or abandonment issues, or issues of any kind don’t even realize they picked all or most of that up because their family is SHIT!! LOL There’s an old saying, “only stupid people are breeding.“. While I don’t conform to that, there are an absorbent number of them who do.
I laugh, but my family is shit.. Why do you think I moved 3300 miles away from them? I don’t have any of these issues, but that’s because I was very self-aware as a child, I knew my parents were morons by the time I was 5 or 6 years old. So I pretty much read books on parenting and raised myself. I’ll tell you all something…. You’d actually be surprised by how many people I’ve met over the years, some I’m even friends with to this day who thought they had great parents and super cool families. So they come to me with an issue, or in some cased I would point out a quirk of their personality and ask them about it. And when I ask them a few questions because of “their” behavior and energy, upon analysis they’re blown away to find out that their parents actually got it wrong, and programmed them to be assholes, or more commonly to have abandonment issues. Which lead to all of the problems they’ve had in dating, or at work or in life in general. I could have been a doctor, I’m pretty good at diagnosing and fixing people, but as I say often on videos if I was I would have the bedside manor of TV’s Dr. House. Mostly because I suffer fools very, very lightly. And most of the answers to these problems are obvious. What happens is people get in denial. And that’s a problem because acknowledgement of the core issue is the first step in any psychological cure. Most people aren’t honest with themselves and refuse to even consider that their precious family or parents were anything but saints. It’s a thought that must be considered, and it’s usually where a therapist goes first.
A lot of this is generational. Generational studies to me are fun. They are hands down the best litmus test for the parenting skills of the previous generation.
For example…… My generation, Gen X as we’re called and known collectively as “the lost generation“, and also by pop-culture as “the latchkey kids“. We were born between 1966 and arguably 1980. Although technically some argue it stretches to 1985. Whatever the case most Gen X’ers had parents who were just plain NEVER around!! My god I remember mine were never there. I had a whole house to myself, they’d leave money on the kitchen counter, and we’d live on junk food and MTV… lol. We did some shit in that house too, and we got into some messes outside of it. The movies of the generation reflected a lot of our childhoods. But in my generation’s defense we are the most independent of recent generations. We didn’t live at home with mommy and daddy until we were well into our 30’s or even 40’s like the Millennials who followed us. In fact most Gen X’ers were on their own and in their own place by about age 22 at the latest. Myself at age 17 I had my own place! So in some respect our parents accidentally got it right in many cases. Now this doesn’t mean ALL of them got it wrong, it’s a majority number. Life is always a numbers game. Some Gen X’ers had great parents as with any generation. But for most us “latchkey kids” our parents didn’t give us much love, or teach us about emotion, but they did give us a sense of independence and the ability to fend for ourselves. Technically they did parenting half-right, the taught the independence, but forgot the love part. lol
The Millennial generation by contrast was the “everyone gets a trophy generation“. And I say thank you with two middle fucking fingers to all of their parents. Because that kind of SHIT parenting has given the world more entitled fuckwits than it has ever seen before in its history!!! lol… I laugh, but I have to deal with these fuckers here in my life offline, so it’s not funny!!! Another point of note is that within the Millennial generation there is also the greatest wealth separation. Meaning their either super internet rich, or by and large they don’t have two nickels to rub together. As a generation they tend to spend more than they save. Where as Gen X does the opposite, making the “forgotten latchkey” generation the one who will also likely and rather ironically not need much government assistance during its retirement years. Because we actually have retirement funds… lol We don’t need attention the we just work in the background. Where as the Millennial generation aka the Selfie generation by and large are raging narcissists. As a generation they spend most of their money on the latest gadgets. God forbid the latest phone has a better camera on it. They’ll spend their last nickel on that damn phone. lol
So “the trophy for every kid” parenting method backfired, most psychologists saw that coming. And in a twist of fated irony as it turns out the latchkey “ah fuck’em just leave them home with some money on the counter” generation ended up doing alright, but on the downside does tend to have some intimacy issues.. And…. of course… a compulsive habit of always checking kitchen counters for money… lol
The above is just one example. And yes like I said therapists love to blame the parents, and yes I love to pick on generations because I study them for fun. Don’t get me started on Gen Z and how far we’ve plummeted from the “greatest generation”(born 1900-the 1920’s)… God help us all, is all I can say.
But regardless of generation, and yes they all have their highs and lows, if you’re one of these people who needs to control everything, or if your DM/runner in your soulmate connection is one here are the traits. As a descriptor this is likely a person who over-thinks everything. A person who stays in the planning stages far too long, or is a rigid planner instead of a fluid planner. If you want to know the difference just watch the movie “Vacation“. Chevy Chase is a rigid planner, and it made for a very funny movie, because as we all know, nothing ever goes according to plan!! Beyond “planning”, this is also a person who bases their self-worth on material things or status, be it financial, standing in the community, or worse yet BOTH at least on some level. They don’t have to be rich or royal to behave this way either. Entitled fuckwits come in all forms. Status can be the lead-checker at the grocery store. Status is always relative to the surroundings, and in that store for example that fucker is top dog, and if it feeds their ego, a real pain in the ass to work with too. They’re also a person who will stay in a toxic relationship with someone who takes advantage of them, such they spend their money and contributes very little back.
Either they or you are likely also a person who stays up at night worrying about things they can’t control for the totally absurd reason that they can’t control them, when in reality they could put a stop to all the worrying, stress, and anxiety by simply just opening up, letting feelings flow instead of caging them. This behavior and lack the lack of external adult communication that comes with it is a sign of an emotionally immature child who runs and hides when things get “emotional” i.e. “real”. Sound familiar??? Yeah it’s pretty common in this current soulmate cycle, but sadly also outside the soulmate cycle in the collective at-large.
Well, if you are this type of person either entirely or partially, or if you know someone like this, such as a certain DM….. I have good news for you…. This issue is easy to fix. In fact I can save you thousands on therapy right here, right now. So listen up…. You can blame past hurts, current hurts, your parents, or your dog if you want to for your control/abandonment/intimacy issues. And I highly recommend you look at those sources and do the inner-work if you need to. As I said truthful acknowledgement of the issue is the first step in the cure.
But the truth is your anxiety, fears, and general unhappiness can ALL be solved/cured rather ironically I might add by taking control of the one thing you CAN actually control. ……… And that’s the very need to control itself. What I mean is to use the need to control to control the need to control. It’s a bit like a drug addict who makes his own drugs. lol
Sounds simple doesn’t? Surprisingly most of life is actually pretty simple, it’s people and their propensity to over-think that mucks everything up for themselves and sometimes others. But then if this is you, you’re an over-thinker aren’t you? So you’re probably going to stay up late and over-think what I just said… LOL..
Anyway, so you like control do you? Bit of a control-freak are you? Well how about controlling that to fix that very issue. How about using the very mechanism that’s the cause of your problem to fix the problem itself. In this case you’re still controlling something which should make you happy and satisfy your need for control. yay…. There’s a bit of Ouroboros (the snake that eats its tail) at play but what I mean is you need to use your need to control to control your need to control.
Not unlike at Burger King who’s slogan used to be “have it your way“, we don’t get things our way whether it’s a Whopper or what life throws at us. There is no script for life, its improvisation in motion, and life isn’t an acting job anyway. It’s life.
Allow your feelings and your emotions to flow freely & naturally like adults are supposed to do. This isn’t a rehearsal, and you’re not children. This is your life. Live it for god’s sake. That’s the only way to ever find true happiness because happiness is something we can ONLY give ourselves. You’ll never find happiness under rocks, or from other sources. You won’t find it if you’re a person with lots of issues and hang-ups and pain from the past that you stubbornly or truthfully refuse to look at,
As the Stones sang in 1969 on their “Let it bleed” release, and I believe it’s true… “You can’t always get what you want, but sometimes you get what you need“… It’s a fact of life, we don’t usually get what we want the way we want it. By trying to control everything including and more importantly your inner feelings and emotions all you’re doing is swimming upstream against the current of your life and destiny. And in the process getting yourself slammed on the rocks. Some of you, and most of your DMs are covered in bandages by this point. Those rocks are damn sharp.
In closing, based on their slogan you would think that Burger King at the very least was the one place we could actually have some control.. But alas, the truth is I’ve never gotten a Whopper the way I ordered it at Burger King. Nope not one time have I ever gotten it “my way“. Their famous slogan “have it your way” is a bold type-faced lie in my opinion & experience. I order my Whopper the same every time. No pickle and no mayo. But every damn time I get it it’s (you guessed it) slathered with mayo. Which is fine, I don’t complain, I don’t take it back, I just go with it. Because that’s life, and it’s their mistake not mine. And I know me being me that karma is a bitch, the laws of physics don’t change within energies. There’s an equal and opposite reaction for everything that happens or that we put out there. That being said I know that they’re gonna pay for the mistake of messing up my order one way or another.
Because I say no mayo for a reason. It makes me gassy!!.. I can clear a fucking Burger King dining room half-way through that damn Whopper. And that’s their karma……… not mine…
—- Cheers
