Lolly Lolly Lolly get your adverbs here sang the “Schoolhouse Rock” gang in the 70’s here in the USA each and every Saturday morning. The song taught us that adverbs usually if not always are words that end in “ly”. “Leftover Lolly” as a phrase however is a British saying referring to candy , but the article’s title phrase is most famously used on a television show across the pond called “Bargain Hunt” in reference to leftover money. Most of my friends know that a Newcastle based long-time friend of mine and I have been threatening to go on that TV show for many years, if for no other reason than to give it its very first comedy award for the best episode ever as north meets south/USA in a shit-storm of “this should have been thrown away years ago and you want 80 bloody pounds for it motherfucker?!!” sentiments. And more importantly to score a rather intentional all-time record loss. Our goal is to lose the whole 300 pounds. Meaning NONE of our items sell at auction!! LOL… If anyone can do it we can. but I must say that on the downside I did once see someone on that show pay 55 pounds for a brick at auction, soooo maybe not… Either way one day soon I’m sure we’ll grace British television with our presence. The show itself is excited to have us though they’ve never said it publicly,,,,,,,,,,,,, or ever for that matter.
Leftover Lolly aside, in this article’s title I’m using the phrase creatively in reference to letting go of the past. It’s a lesson in bonus buys, life, and carpets with too much shit under them… But I digress… Anyway… “Leftover lolly” has a double meaning. This article may apply to you, or it may apply to someone attached to you. Either way it’s good advice, I suggest you all take it.
So what of this “Leftover Lolly”? Well not unlike Bargain Hunters on the UK tele, we MUST hand-over and spend our leftover lolly at the end of the day. Because if you leave metaphorical leftover lolly lingering in the pockets of your mind, or worse yet whitewash it all, or sweep it under the carpet, i.e. those things from the past that haunt you, have hurt you, or even things you wish you’d said or handled differently,,……… it tends to burn holes in said “pockets”. And if that happens most of the time it creates an explosive effect, where in a fit of rage it all flies out from under the carpet and out of the bottom of those pockets so to speak. This is because it’s always a fleeting effort to hide our pain or serious issues from ourselves. It’s volcanic, and a huge mistake. The truth always rises to the surface, and in the end as I always say, the soul always wins, in the battles of soul vs. ego.
And if all that happens all you’ll be doing by not spending your leftover lolly and dealing with past pain and issues is making some learning annex therapist rich as he or she “spends” the money version of it for you, which quite frankly is a waste of lolly. Because you could have “spent” it, aka dealt with it yourself quite easily, and learned far more in the process in doing so. Acknowledgement of any issue is the key. This is because we can’t solve a problem or issue within ourselves without “truthfully” acknowledging it exists first. I quoted “truthfully” because most people with issues, or living in unhappy situations are so good at lying to themselves and distracting themselves from the issue at hand that even when they admit there’s an issue it’s a bit of a half-truth shall we say. What they’re really doing is just chunking away at some of it, usually the easy bits, and continuing to sweep the rest under the carpet, i.e. putting a band-aid on it usually by burying themselves in the mundane. i.e. work. If you don’t see it, it’s not there right? Or as a George Costanza on Seinfeld once famously said, “If they can’t find you, they can’t fire you.”
That leftover lolly of the mind is tough to “spend” i.e. deal with if any part of it is hidden under a carpet. Worse yet it’s “growth enhancing” value to us is reduced over time if we don’t lift that carpet while we’re still young enough to enjoy the spoils that solving the issue would bring. Those spoils by the way always involve some sort of “freedom”, which is kind of the doorway to happiness. Freedom by the way doesn’t always mean leaving someone, though it can if like many of my readers you’re in a relationship with a vain, entitled, narcissist, who controls who you can talk to, who you can know, and what you can do, and even may read your social media and likely picks up your phone after you go to sleep to see what you’ve been up to. This is all usually through insecurity on their part and the psychology of it is that of a 100 page paper, so I won’t deal with that here (yet). But I will say that behavior is NOT a good relationship. A GOOD relationship is built on unconditional love, trust, mutual respect, and almost crucially “independence’.. Without that it’s not a relationship, it’s a prison. And it does nothing but cage your soul and prevent your true authentic self from emerging, thus causing you to be “fake”.
Most times though this freedom is from the prison of the mind many live in every day. Problems will vary, but it’s best to deal with them when you’re as young as possible. Life is short, why be unhappy right? It’s best to deal with issues from the past or present that are making you unhappy i.e. “leftover lolly” as early in life as possible is my point. Why not be happy at 35 or 40 instead of figuring it out later down the road and finally being happy at 55 or 60, or worse yet beyond even that. That’s great that you finally figured it out 20+ years down the road, but I promise rather ironically that you’ll end up being depressed as hell anyway, except in this case it’ll be about all that wasted time, and worse yet wasted youth you spent being unhappy, or being with that asshole instead of someone who would feed your soul rather than slowly suffocate it to death.
I know a lot of people in their 50’s 60’s and 70’s who if asked would kill for a time machine to go back in time and smack their 35 or 40 year old selves and tell them to smarten up. Or as I like to say, “STOP IT!!” And that’s a fact!! Don’t YOU be one of those people. Because my logic here is quite clear. If you sit in unhappiness of any kind while you’re young thinking you’re sweeping it all under the carpet so you can “keep the peace”, you’re actually doing nothing of the sort, because INSIDE you’re unhappy. Even though outside people may see you as bubbly, witty, and sweet, with a big smile. The quality of our life is determined by how we feel INSIDE. NOT what we show people on the outside. Everyone knows that’s all bullshit. So if you don’t fix things you may keep the peace on the home-front yes…… Keep the family or household happy and free of bickering, yes……, but all you’ll have to look forward to down the road 20 years or so when you’re 60+ is depression, and worse yet regret about the fact that you don’t have that time machine to go back and do it all again properly and actually live your life as your true self. i.e. your soul’s true purpose.
My advice, which I know will fall on the deaf ears of many is to be happy and be brave while you’re still young enough to enjoy the emotional and spiritual freedom it brings. Stop carpet-sweeping major issues around certain people or situations from the past or present that are limiting you, controlling you, or worse yet elevating themselves through you, causing you anxiety and a sense of discontent or the feeling of being used in the process. Bring your thoughts to a higher perspective. Inner peace goes hand-in-hand with happiness and contentment. That inner peace is ONLY attained by redirecting your thoughts away from the illusions of the material world, and directing them inward to promote spiritual growth. This can be done through religious studies, or if that’s not your thing simply by taking a deep look at what YOU want, instead of what others expect of you.
At the end of the day if you don’t do the “inner-work” as it’s often called, and you choose to ignore my suggestions……. well…. I’m sure you’ll remember me when you’re 55, 60, or 70+. Except you won’t remember me fondly or think back to those readings, or funny characters I created on video, or this blog, or even the tweets you used to read. No, you’ll remember me with regret as that guy you ignored and should have listened to when you were much younger.
As for me,,, well I’ll be long gone by then. I’ll likely be long retired in some small Italian village writing a book. Maybe I’ll Google YOU in 20 years or so to see how your life turned out. Depending on what I find, that book might just end up being about YOU!! A book about carpet-sweeping & keeping the peace at the expense of your own well-being and life to a degree. A book about how you didn’t listen to me, even though you knew I was right the whole time.
I’ll say this much.. What a damn shame those pages about you ignoring my words will be for me to write in 20 years if I end up having to do so. But you can still prevent this regrettable future. Here’s your time machine, you’re young now!!! You’re here now, you can fix things and get happy now! This is the moment, right now!! What moment is it right now you ask? Well….. it’s the moment that your elderly-self would want to go back to if they had a time machine so they could smack themselves in the head for being so stubborn, or stupid, or both so as to sit in the thorns of unhappiness and discontent and waste precious time.
Save your future-self the trouble, stress, & depression of all that lost/wasted time. Go ahead…….. smack yourself in the head right now, and smarten up. Life is short, it’s a blur in fact. Don’t waste it….
The above said, we end where we began. Because what’s really most important for you to take away from all this and keep in mind is actually what the British TV show “Bargain Hunt” teaches us. And that’s, if you don’t hand-over your “leftover lolly”, you don’t get your bonus buy!!
— Cheers
